Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cooking with Tomo Lesson 3

Sorry for the delay in posting lesson 3. I've been busy with life, work, and trying to get 3 stars on every level of Angry Birds. For lesson three we will be doing Desserts. I usually start every Tomoview with the first line of the story/novel so for this lesson, we will be looking at the last line of every story. To keep with the theme I will be starting with the last story, and working backwards.

"He found the old clay roads, found the scent of his lost past, and, as he loped through the underbrush, his nose found that the forest remembered him as well."

I don't know if I've ever loped through anything before, but now I really want to. For the curious, the scent of my lost past, would probably be eau de bongwater.


Could be worse, it could have been THOSE DAMN BLUE COLLAR TWEAKERS!

"Fucking primo, man,” Tony said. He stepped over the collapsed and writhing body and went to collect a cold one."
I'm going to need to collect several colds ones when I'm through with this shitapalooza.

"Behind the racing car the trees and bushes were slowly creeping together, pulling and twisting branches into a very familiar weave work of complicity, a complicity that was becoming easier with every passing yard."

uhhh ummm uhhh. Cunty, you got some splain to do.

"He tossed the gun into the dark beyond the gold, and hugged Mule close."

mmmm mule hugging

"The knife bit deeply, blood squirted and flowed, and as the pain dug into her, she began to hum a soft pink melody."

Can I borrow that knife?

"To break the contract means death for another Machen male."

Contract smontract. "We don't honor no stinking contracts." - Dorchester Publishing

"Clutching hands fell away from his eyes and he saw the true face of the teacher revealed. Then the art lesson began in earnest."


Carl looked at his friend. “What's wrong?” He asked, doom lacing his voice, even as he followed Richard's terror filled gaze up to the night sky, where the stars were winking out one by one, by one, by one...

"Sobbing and panting like a mindless animal being run to ground by hell hounds, Harley ran into the night, chasing Blind Boy's soft tune. The forest swallowed him as if he'd never been."

I haven't seen swallowing like that since Ron Dickie's last visit to the US.

"And the song rose and rose...'screeeeeeeeeee—screeeeeeeeeee—screeeeeeeeeee'."

I want to rub Chef Cook's nose in that sentence. BAD! BAD! BAD!

"It was feeding time."

It was time for someone to consider taking up knitting.

"She had a story to tell, the story of Quincy Manor, and she had flesh like parchment."

SO, I'm guessing this story was scribbled on her taint.

"Good girl. She must have torn out his gag, he thought with a smile as his head slumped against the door"
How in the blue fuck does someone think with a smile?

"Charlie peered into the darkness and screamed."

PEERED? Really? That was the best you could come up with? If you are going to used peered, why pussy out and then use screamed? Fucking amatuer hour shit.

"She raised her many arms, ready to embrace him."

I only need to raise one arm, and it won't be to embrace. It will be to BITCH SLAP!

"The city swallowed him as surely as it had the larvae."

YAY! More swallowing. It goes with the theme of SUCK that flows through all the stories.

"Time to haul his dead ass out of the flue before the boy woke."


"Huizar kicked his horse to a gallop again; the others followed."

will to live slowly fading....

"The sun slipped away and Caitlin dropped to the cooling sand and sobbed."

May hermit crabs infest your taint for inflicting this hemorroid on the as asshole of fiction

"What lurks within those swampy depths of the ruin of Quincy Manor?"

Here's a little something for sticking around this long.


"he glass seemed to smile back at him, as he laid its gentle silver kiss against his bare forearm."

Can I borrow that glass? PLEASE!!!!

"She hefted Boss’ shotgun and began to drag them down the moonlit path to the big house"

Reading this has been only slighty more enjoyable than a late night prison shower rape.

"The Preacher thing followed in his wake, still trying to learn how to walk like a human being."

"All the way home, every car horn, every city sound, every jack hammer rhythm, every laughing voice on the sidewalk, became Charlie talking, Charlie laughing, Charlie singing off-key, Charlie whispering to him about the lost years and the empty gray futility of his now life."

Bad sentence burn, Tomo!