Tomoview 2 Bigfoot Boogaloo 3D

"The monster would have guessed how they would react and anticipated Powell's retribution."

So this Bigfoot is either one smart motherfucker or totally psychic. How in the Hades is a Bigfoot going to know how a bunched of armed jackasses are going to react?

The next time someone dies, we have to make sure it does too.

Well that's a pretty fatalistic view to take. I know war is Hades and all, but isn't possible that you might be able to kill Bigfoot without him killing another member of your group? This is why you never take Negative Ned along when you hunt Bigfoot.

Becca felt stupid.

I know how Becca feels.

She shoved her chair away from the desk and closed her laptop.

bitch must have some long fucking arms

I wish I still had the BULLSHIT FLAG smiley from the old board. So in the 20 years since our hero's family was killed by Bigfoot, no one else has seen or confirmed the monster's existence. No hunters have found it, no young couples bumping rump in the woods have been killed by it... you get the picture. So I don't know, maybe it ought to take the group out looking for Bigfoot a little more than 5 fucking minutes or so to be attacked. *facepalm*


Wow. So this little fuckstain of a town in the middle of nowhere issues fully automatic AR 15s to its police force. That's fuckawesome!! It's also fuckawesome that these Bigfeet can be sprayed with a stream of full auto fire and not even flinch!!!

So after using AR 15s and other high-powered rifles to blow bigfoot's fucking brains out, they all stand around and unload their sidearms into the fallen bigfoot's corpse. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL POINTLESS MUTILATION!!!


Were it not for the STINK thanks to the hot sun

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

and slammed the door after she got in

Thanks for clarifying that, asshat!

These things were more human-like

MAKE-IT-STOP! PlEASE-I-M-BEGGING! CAN'T-TAKE-ANYMORE!!!

Large sagging breasts hung underneath the fur of its chest.

I'm confused. Does it have large saggy fur covered breasts, or does it have large saggy breasts hanging underneath its fur?

child-like, beast-like

KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF ALREADY WITH THE -LIKE SHIT! YOU'RE JUST FUCKING MAKING UP WORDS NOW!! GOOGLE, MOTHERFUCKER! CAN YOU USE IT? MAKE IT ALL ONE FUCKING WORD, CHILDLIKE OR BEASTLIKE... Why am I yelling? I so need a drink right now.

**SPOILER!**

Jeff, the hero of the story, gets ripped limb from limb on page 32 of 73.

I can't wait to see which of the underdeveloped remaining characters steps up to take the lead role. I'm betting on the brutish deputy that thinks he's not good enough for the waitress at the local diner!

YAY!

One of my favorite things to find in any book I'm reviewing is the incredible name-changing character! This shows the writer's attention to their craft, and the excellent skill of their editor!!

Travis sat on the bank, snapping pictures of them with his camera.

Donald laughed and tucked the camera into the pocket of his shorts.

DOH!!!

Oh please tell me you did not just the use the "Two Guys Checking the Power Station, Only to Find a Monster, and then Crash Their Truck Into the Power Station While Trying to Escape" gag.

as a scream left his mouth for the last time.

Do lots of scream migrate back to their mouth of origin? I picture a little triangle of screams way up in the sky returning home for winter.


I'm making the executive decision to just summarize the remaining story.

Everybody that we could even remotely care about dies. The only survivor is a deputy that is sent from a nearby town, but he's such a minor character that it doesn't even matter. The story just goes to shit once Jeff dies. For the record, no one even notices that he is dead. In an excellent epilogue, we find out the government covers the whole thing up and sends in a crack team to kill the remaining Bigfeets. I think you can guess what happens to them.

I give this book 34 heaping stinky piles of shit!!!