Friday, February 11, 2011

Tomo takes a trip down memory lane. Part 3

Curious, I got up--pants around my ankles

Okay, who replaced my copy of Deathbreed with Ron Dickie's teenage diary???

Or chasing the customer down the street with his N word beater.

Did I mention the main characters in this book are rascist scumbags?

I barely made it back to the bathroom in time before a hot fudge Hiroshima fell out of my ass.

Look, I love a good poop joke as much or maybe more than anyone, but that's just fucking uncalled for.

After a few more moments of cramping, cursing, and wishing I was dead, the attack seemed to be over.

That pretty much sums up how I feel during every Tomoview.

Now came the tricky part--wiping my crack clean.

Might I suggest using a shotgun. Wait, that would be better for brushing your teeth.

It was like cleaning peanut butter out of shag carpet.

I want you all to just take a moment and let that image sink in nice and deep, because you are never getting it out of your head. You're welcome!

I had more shit crumbs decorating my ass than trophies at a hunting lodge.

I do like the expression "SHIT CRUMBS!" I think it could catch on.

The toilet seat was covered with poop splatters and broken off dingleberries.

Really? No seriously, BROKEN OFF DINGLEBERRIES! That taint funny.

I grabbed another wad of tissue and swept it clean for the next guy.

Hmmmm, maybe this character isn't all bad. I mean a courtesy flush will cleanse a lot of sins.

Maybe I had shit out the best parts of myself years ago. Maybe I had shit out my soul...

Soul Shitter would be a fucking epic name for a metal band.


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