There is just too much awful in this book for me to read it all, so for the rest of this Tomoview, I will just be picking the funniest chapter names, and sharing this with you. I hope you fucksocks appreciate what I do for you.
Take A Deep Brain Breath
TOUCH A DARK WOLF!! TOUCH IT!!
Bella threw all her dirties on her bed.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Shit happened. Even to BMWs.
That's some deep shit, right there. I am shocked by the profoundness of that statement.
He called me a 'fucktard' about getting the address wrong.
I always thought the term was fucktart.
"Chill, Bells. Take a brain breath."
You can just write your own airhead joke for this one.
"Spare some softener?" ask the biker.
We may have found the second line actually written by Snooki.
Even tough guys like Downy.
I prefer Snuggle. That little bear is fucking adorable.
here he was rhapsodizing about philosophy.
I wonder how many wars have been fought over fabric softener preference.
"I wish I had a fabric softener for my life."
I'm thinking maybe a shot of bleach would be a better choice.
So he'd noticed Bella's boobs after all.
WOOOHOOO! For a moment there I was a little worried!
Despite being 21, Bella had never done her own laundry.
I think I need to go take a long brain shit before I can read any more. Of course right after I say that, I see the title of chapter 13
PENISES LOOK BIGGER UNDERWATER!!!
It'd been a long week of car explosions, restaurant fires, a firecracker Dumpster blaze.
Not to mention the Canadian guy. They had to use the jaws of life to pry him and that moose apart.
Very hungry. Frankie's stomach growled.
The writing is just so vivid.
"Another shark sighting today on the Jersey Shore,"
Oh fucking hell. I skipped the chapter where Gia rescued a beached fucking sand shark, and now they are calling her the Shark Whisperer. Maybe I can get Meteornotes to review that chapter.
I'm not going to type all the painful dialogue for this part. So, Gia, gets on the news after rescuing the shark. They ask here if she knew how big the shark was, and she tells a skinny dipping story. This is where the Penises being bigger underwater comes from.
His dick sprang to life in his jeans.
and starting singing show tunes.